


Trying To Play By The Rules

by Warp5Complex_Archivist



Category: Star Trek: Enterprise
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-03-04
Updated: 2006-03-04
Packaged: 2018-08-15 23:05:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,846
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8076385
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Warp5Complex_Archivist/pseuds/Warp5Complex_Archivist
Summary: Archer and Tucker fight to find a way to communicate through a morass of fears and new rules after the wake of the Cogenitor's suicide. Postep, 2.22 "Cogenitor." (06/17/2003)





	

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Kylie Lee, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Warp 5 Complex](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Warp_5_Complex), the software of which ceased to be maintained and created a security hazard. To make future maintenance and archive growth easier, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in August 2016. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but I may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Warp 5 Complex collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/Warp5Complex).

  
Author's notes: Spoilers, 1.24 "Desert Crossing," 2.11 "Precious Cargo," 2.12 "The Catwalk," 2.13 "Dawn," 2.22 "Cogenitor."  
  
There is a Nonconsensual element to this story. A rape occurs and is discussed, but the incident itself is not vividly described.

No beta. Also I went over this again late at night so please forgive any obvious typo's or mistakes that my blurry eyes missed.  


* * *

"Senior officers report to the bridge."

Trip was in the middle of putting on his shirt when the summons came, but rather than eagerly finishing dressing before dashing up to the bridge, Trip just froze for a moment, the blue undershirt half on and half off, before the engineer reluctantly pulled the rest of the shirt over his head. Then, as if that meager effort sapped all of his energy, Tucker sat down on his bunk with a sigh, loath to move any further. Should he go to the bridge or not? Did that call apply to him? Trip didn't know. Didn't know if he was still a senior officer on this ship, didn't know if Jonathan Archer was still his lover, or if he was destined to spend the future all alone. Didn't know if he even had a future from this point.

Oh, sure, Trip had been chastised by senior officers in the past and this little incident wasn't, by far, the first time that Tucker had acted before thinking, but never, ever had he been laid into so thoroughly, and the fact that the superior officer involved was Trip's lover, as well as his captain wounded Tucker to his very soul.

Trip didn't have to think hard to remember the conversation of six nights before, rather he had fought to try to forget, think about other things, and failed miserably, because every time he lowered his guard his mind would send him right back to Jon's ready room and he re-lived the destruction of his entire life over and over again.

"It's my fault. I'm responsible." Tucker admitted.

"You're damn right you are..." Jon's rapid agreement to his guilt was like a lance stabbing deep into his heart, but that was only the beginning. Jon lashed out at him in a way that Trip had never seen before and could have never imagined. "I might have expected something like this from a first-year recruit, but not you...There's a child who won't be conceived because of this, at least not for a long while...It's time you learned to weigh the possible repercussions of your actions...You've always been impulsive...Maybe this will teach you a lesson..."

Oh yes, Trip had learned a lesson all right. As of this moment he wanted nothing to do with any aliens, or new species or new cultures that Enterprise might run across. He had all ready murdered one person and it didn't matter that he had just wanted to help, "Charles" was dead just the same. Now the only thing that Trip desired was to spend all of his time either in his engine room or in his quarters until Enterprise returned home. Once back on earth Tucker vowed to go to Starfleet and resign his commission. Not only did Trip lose all of his hopes and his dreams when the Cogenitor died, he lost Jon's love as well and the combined disaster was almost too much for him to bear.

Tucker didn't know what he would do when he got back home. He had spent his whole life preparing for this mission, and had waited his whole life for a love like Jon's. Now he had neither. Trip had to find a way to go on living without everything in the universe that ever mattered to him, but at that moment he didn't know how the hell he was manage that, and no time to worry about it either.

Making a decision, Trip stood, zipped his jumpsuit closed and after a quick check in the mirror to see that he looked totally regulation, headed for the door. The one thing Jon didn't do when he flayed Trip alive with his tirade was relieve Trip from duty, so until Tucker was officially cashiered out of Starfleet he would assume that he was still an senior officer of this ship and would work to act that way.

* * *

Tucker was able to hang onto that attitude right up until the turbolift doors opened and Trip saw the image of yet another alien on the screen. 'Great,' Tucker thought. Yet another first contact. Trip instantly prayed that he could stay out of this meeting between two new species, but his hopes were dashed the second that Archer began to make introductions.

"Trip. This is Captain Tolleran, of the starship Micaarda." The alien nodded at the introduction and Trip noted that while the captain appeared to be fairly humanoid with two eyes, two ears, etc., but the differences between the species became instantly apparent when the man spoke. Mainly because the alien had only a slit for a mouth and no lips at all. He looked for all intents and purposes, like that Mush Mouth character in the old Dick Tracy comics, but a second after that thought flowed across his mind Tucker shook himself and mentally slapped himself silly. Here he was, doing it again, judging an alien on human terms. Jon was right. Tucker was never gonna learn.

Trip's only remaining hope was that he wouldn't need to get personally involved with the aliens in any way, but Archer's next words sent Tucker's fears plummeting to the bottom of his stomach. "They're having engine trouble."

Damn it. There was no way that Tucker was ready to interact with a new alien species. Hell, he wasn't interacting with his fellow human's very well at the moment and he just didn't want the responsibility of dealing with a new contact. Not now and maybe not ever. Thinking rapidly Trip fought to find a way out. "I'll have Lieutenant Hess prepare a team right away sir." Trip knew that Archer wouldn't want to send Trip over to the alien ship any more than Tucker wanted to go. Archer wouldn't trust Trip to get things right and the captain should latch onto the Hess alternative as eagerly as he offered it, that's why Trip was surprised when Archer was shaking his head even before Tucker had stopped talking.

"They have a Raddison type warp drive."

Double damn. Raddison was a unique type of engine that was powered by Clarion, a rather unstable element. Only a few hundred of them were built and they were so rare that Starfleet didn't even have schematics on the care and feeding of Raddison engines, much less train it's engineers in the repair of same. Trip only knew something about them because he was such a fanatic about the very concept of warp that he had, on his own time, read up on every type of engine that he could get info on. With the assistance of the engineers on the alien ship Trip thought that he should be able to squeak by with the repairs, but no one else on his staff would be any help at all, including Hess. Trip could see that Jon Archer knew it too and the captain didn't like it, not at all, but they were stuck.

"It looks like you'll have to go." Trip knew that Jon's tone sounded professional enough, to an alien, but every human on the bridge heard that veiled, unspoken warning. Don't mess this up.

"Aye, sir." While Trip said that aloud, he silently promised both the captain and himself that he would do everything in his power to make this first contact a success. There was no way he could survive another 'Cogenitor' type disaster. No way.

Far from satisfied, but without any real choice, Archer turned back toward Captain Tolleran. "If you'll maneuver your ship in for docking then my engineer will get started on those repairs right away.

While Tolleran seemed pleased for the help, the alien captain still hesitated. If Tolleran had been human, Trip would have guessed that the captain had a problem with the arrangement, but Tucker had vowed to put his preconceptions aside and take things as they came so he was surprised when he discovered that, this time at least, he was right. "I deeply appreciate your help Captain Archer," the alien was saying, his voice coming through the translator with a raspy tone..."but unfortunately it is forbidden for anyone who is not a Valdorian to enter our engine room."

Archer had to fight to hide a gasp of exasperation. A whole morning of negotiations, all for nothing. "Well, I'm afraid we can't help you if you don't let our engineer have access to your engine."

Tolleran smiled. "I understand your confusion, Captain and I assure you that I didn't waste your time by desperately asking for your help, only to throw away your assistance at the last minute. I would very much like your Commander Tucker to assist us in our engine room and there is a way that he can do so without violating both our culture and our laws."

"Oh." Archer was intrigued. "How is that?"

"Why you simply agree to give Commander Tucker to me for the interim. That way, by our law Tucker will be, for all intents and purposes, a Valdorian, thereby able to have access to all parts of our ship without violating any of our customs."

"That sounds all right." Archer glanced at Tucker who instantly nodded his agreement, willing to do anything to 'not mess this up.' Then Archer turned back toward Captain Tolleran. "Very well then, I formally give Commander Charles Tucker the Third to you to use as you see fit during the repairs."

Pleased by Archer's words, Captain Tolleran bowed, then looked up and smiled greatly at Tucker. "We look forward to your joining the Valdorian race, Commander."

While silently cursing the gods for putting him in this position so quickly, Trip forced a smile and made it look like he longed for nothing more than another first contact. "As do I, Captain." Tucker lied effectively. "As do I."

* * *

Jonathan Archer couldn't sleep, although that wasn't anything new really. Enterprise's captain hadn't been able to get much rest ever since his big blowout with Trip. At the time he had been so angry at Trip's apparent betrayal that he didn't notice the pain Tucker was experiencing over the whole ordeal, something that didn't become clear until that very morning when he saw Trip's agony, loud and clear just before went over to the Valdorian ship. Still angry over the Cogenitor debacle, Jon paused for a moment at the entrance to the airlock, intending to lay into Trip one more time, but Tucker beat him to the punch.

"You've don't gotta worry, Cap'n. I'm not gonna say anythin', do anythin', or touch anythin' that hasn't got an engine part attached to it. It doesn't matter what the Valdorian's do. If they kill somebody in front of me as part of their culture I'll let it go. I won't mess up this first contact, Cap'n. I give you my word on that."

Archer believed him, and while Jon hoped Valdorian murder wouldn't be on the menu, it did look like Trip did finally get the message this time, and Archer felt a little bit better about letting the engineer go over there alone, even if it was a lot sooner than either of them hoped. Trip had fallen off of the horse, hard and Jon had been afraid that the engineer had been so shattered by the Cogenitor's death that he wouldn't be able to get up on again, but Tucker seemed to be coping with the concept well enough, readily agreeing to be 'given' to the Valdorian's for a day and promising to do nothing while over there. Now that professional concerns were taken care of, all that worried Archer still was the total mess he made of their personal relationship and Jon was still at a loss as to how to find a way to put the pieces back together.

For the first few days Jon had been so damn mad that he didn't want to get back together with Trip. How could the engineer have been so blind? He had been with Archer when the captain had made his own mistakes, and Jon thought that Trip had learned those lessons, just as Jon did. Then the engineer had to go and jeopardize one of the best first contacts Jon had ever made on a whim, an impulse. Once again Trip thought with his heart instead of his head and now a life was lost. A person was dead, because of him!

Jon felt his anger flame anew and he didn't know what frustrated him more, the fact that Trip could be so stupid, or the fact that he had watched Jon be just at stupid in the past and failed to automatically learn as a result of those events. But it wasn't just the anger that was keeping Jon up at night, it was the pain. Pain for a love that he might have just lost forever.

Archer had no choice but to rail against Trip as severely as he did, or at least he thought he hadn't, right up until an hour ago when Travis rang his bell.

Jon knew something was up the moment that Travis refused a seat. The helmsman was standing at full attention and staring straight ahead. That was a bad sign. Archer wasn't going to like what was coming.

Travis was Trip's friend, and he knew that the crew had been just as traumatized over this event as the both of them were, so when Travis asked for 'permission to speak freely' Jon instantly granted the request. The captain was willing to sit and take whatever Travis had to say if it would help the helmsman deal with the current situation, so Jon may have braced himself for the worst, but he wasn't ready for what the helmsman said first. "We get the message, sir."

Jon settled himself down on his bed and patted for Porthos to hop up and join him. He had the feeling that this was going to take awhile. "What message is that, Ensign?"

Travis stared straight ahead, refusing to meet Jon's eye, but he answered honestly. "That you, as captain, will discipline Commander Tucker the same as, or even more harshly than any other member of the crew, despite the fact that you and he are in a romantic relationship, sir."

That brought Jon to his feet. "How do you know that?" He and Trip had been so careful. Keeping their interludes to a minimum while on board, even though they had been lovers for years. Jon had been sure that no one knew about them. apparently he'd been wrong about that.

Hearing the surprise, and vulnerability in his captain's voice, Travis softened his stance and looked at Jon for the first time. "I grew up a boomer sir. I recognize the signs."

"Oh." Jon should have known. Living in the close quarters of a boomer ship Travis would have been surrounded by loving couples his whole life. While Archer was a captain with many years in Starfleet, in some areas his expertise paled in comparison with the wisdom that his helmsman had acquired in a lifetime of real space flight experience. The boomer might know how those couples successfully dealt with their feelings while running a ship at the same time and that was knowledge that, suddenly, Archer desperately wanted to have. "You think I was too hard on Trip then?"

"A little." Travis relaxed a bit, seeing that the captain was willing to discuss the matter and the helmsman didn't hesitate. "If anyone else had done what he did, do you think you would have landed on them quite so severely?"

"Yes!" Archer instinctively replied, then he realized that what he had spoken was a lie and honestly retracted that statement. "No," Jon admitted, sitting back on the bed and stroking Porthos for comfort. "I don't suppose that I would."

Travis nodded, knowing exactly what the captain was thinking. "You were harder on him because you love him and you didn't want the crew to think that you were playing favorites."

"That's it exactly." Jon nodded, then laughed a little laugh. "Even though I thought nobody knew about us, I still didn't want to give the impression that I wasn't being fair." But he wasn't fair. Deep in his heart he knew that he had hurt Trip more severely than he needed to and Jon was just beginning to realize how wrong he had been in doing that.

Seeing his captain's distress Travis took the opportunity to sit next to Archer and presumed to actually put a hand of comfort onto his superior officer's shoulder. "I don't think anybody does know about you except me. Your signs were subtle." Archer was pleased to learn that their precautions seemed to have worked for most of the crew, but Travis wasn't done talking. "But I think you can go ahead and tell them, Captain. I've come to know this crew pretty well during the last two years, and I'm pretty sure that everyone would be happy for you and the commander, besides..." Travis tightened his grip and his reassurance. "You've proven to everyone that you can discipline the commander, if the need arises. We know that you won't give him preferential treatment while on duty, so why not be happy off duty? Everyone on this crew loves you, Captain and Commander Tucker too. If you're happy, then we're happy, can't you see that?"

Travis' question kept echoing through Archer's mind, long after the helmsman had left. Could it really be true? Could he have his ship and Trip too? Then Jon remembered the bloody scene in his ready room and began to wonder if it wasn't all ready too late. Archer had flayed at him with everything he had. Tearing down Tucker by flaunting his every mistake in his face, totally ignoring the good that Trip had done in the two years that they had been out here, or the fact that he had made a good many mistakes of his own. Why, Trip's refusal to leave Zho'Kaan to die alone in the heat of that abandoned moon made the Arkonian race a friend to humans, something that the Vulcan's couldn't even achieve. Not to mention that he had personally saved the life of not only a princess but the entire crew by rigging up that catwalk to use as a shelter when that deadly storm was upon them. Trip had helped so many people, but no one would have known that from the way that Archer had acted. Trip must hate him now.

Was there anything Jon could say to make it up to him? the captain didn't know, but as he got ready for bed he vowed to talk to Trip as soon as he returned from the Valdorian ship. He had to set things right between them, somehow.

* * *

Jonathan Archer had to wait a while before he got that chance. Trip called in and said that the work on the Valdorian engine was more difficult than originally expected and it was almost the next evening before Jon got word that the repairs were complete. He heard the news straight from the Valdorian captain himself. "We are very much in your debt, Captain Archer. Your Commander Tucker was quite wonderful."

If Tolleran was a human Archer would have sworn that the alien seemed to be talking about more than just a warp drive, but Archer chastised himself for projecting human emotions onto an alien face. It didn't matter what Tolleran was talking about, Jon was just relieved that Trip did well, on this first contact at least. "The repairs went well, then?"

"Oh yes. Our technicians say that our engine hasn't run so smoothly in years." Tolleran's smile seemed even broader than before. "Our Mister Tucker has very talented hands."

Now that was an odd thing to say. Maybe it was a good thing that this first contact was almost over after all. "I'm glad we could help." Archer shifted a little, trying to make sure that his unease didn't show. "Commander Tucker is on his way back, then?"

Tolleran seemed to notice nothing amiss and simply nodded. "He should be in your airlock now."

Archer shot a look toward Reed, who, after glancing at his internal sensors, reported..."I'm picking up the commander's bio-signs on our side of the door and both hatches are sealed shut."

"Very well then." Archer turned toward Mayweather. "Disengage."

"Aye, sir." After some deft moves Mayweather got to show off his piloting skills as the helmsman deftly moved Enterprise away from the Valdorian ship.

Archer turned his attention back toward the screen and the Valdorian captain. "You should be all right now."

Tolleran nodded. "I not only thank you for your help, Captain, but for allowing myself to spend some time with your commander. Charles was the most charming of companions."

Charles, was it? Why did the way Tolleran say that set Jon's teeth on edge? Just as well that this meeting was at an end. "I'm glad everything turned out so well. Pleasant journey to you."

"And to you". Tolleran nodded one final time and the screen went dark.

Archer sat back and relaxed, glad that the time for being on their best behavior was over. The guests had left and Enterprise's family could relax and be themselves once again. Jon was enjoying this so much that it was only after several minutes had passed that he realized that Trip hadn't reported in yet. On the one hand, Archer could understand Tucker's reluctance to be anywhere that Jon was, but still, standard procedure called for Tucker to report in as soon a possible. A procedure that still needed to be followed, despite their current estrangement. Jon hit the comm. "Archer to Tucker."

There was the slightest hesitation before Trip's voice was heard across the bridge. "Tucker here, Cap'n."

"Haven't you forgotten something, Commander?"

No doubt about it this time, Trip was definitely stalling. Archer was just about to call again when Tucker finally answered him. "I'm a little tired, Cap'n. I was wonderin' if I could write up a report for you and ship it to you in the mornin'."

Normally Archer would consider that to be a reasonable request, but Jon was beginning to tire of Tucker's evasions and became pissed off. Here he had been working to keep their rift personal and at least work with Tucker on a professional level, and Trip wasn't even willing to try. The real problem was that Jon's emotions were still churned up, and despite his little talk with Travis, Jon wasn't quite ready to be reasonable with Tucker. Not just yet. "That's unacceptable, Commander, I want that report now." Jon's voice unconsciously hardened with the words. "Report to the bridge immediately."

Then Jon's heart fluttered a little at the sound of Trip's acknowledgement. He sounded so sad and Archer's anger drained away from him completely. He had to fix things with Trip and promised himself that he would do it as soon as possible.

Confident with his resolve, Archer's mind left that problem for a second and automatically returned to his duty, scanning the bridge to reassure himself that everything with his beloved ship was all right. He was so engrossed in this activity that he didn't turn immediately when he heard the turbo-lift doors open, followed by Trip's footfalls on the metal deck as the commander entered the room. It wasn't until he heard Malcolm's gasp of dismay and Jon quickly turned, and the captain was horrified at what he saw.

Trip was standing there, hands clasped behind his back, but despite the fact that he was staring at the deck plating, Jon could clearly see the bruises on his face. It was obvious that the engineer had been abused. "Trip?"

"It's nothin', Cap'n." Tucker answered, knowing full well to what Jon was referring, while at the same time refusing to meet Jon's eye.

With last weeks debacle still fresh in his mind, Archer froze, unsure of what to say to the man he cared about over all others, but Malcolm had no hesitations. "It sure as hell looks like something to me."

That made Tucker glance up at his friend, and for the first time everyone could clearly see the extent of the damage. Trip's left cheek and jaw were livid , turning a puffy purple and blue, while his left eye was almost swollen shut. But despite the pain he must have been feeling, Tucker still shook his head in denial. "It was just part of a Valdorian ritual, Malcolm. It's not important."

"Valdorian ritual my ass." Instantly angry, Jon jumped to a conclusion. Confident that he knew what really happened. "You messed up, didn't you?"

"No, sir!" Trip bristled instantly. "I did a good job on that engine, you heard Cap'n Tolleran say so, and I followed all of the Valdorian rules too." Suddenly overcome, Trip returned his gaze to the floor, but not before the others noticed an embarrassed rosy hue start to color his cheeks and heard his voice soften to just above a whisper. "Cap'n Tolleran was real happy with my work."

Archer's heart sank. After nine years of knowing Trip, and six years of loving Trip, Archer could read all of the signs. Very few things embarrassed Tucker to such a degree and most of those revolved around sex in one aspect or another. Usually Jon found such incidents to be charming, like the time Phlox's wife had the hots for Trip. She had the engineer all flustered and embarrassed and, at the time, Jon thought he was darn cute, but Jon didn't like seeing Tucker act like this, in this context, at all. In no way should sex have been a part of Tucker's visit to the Valdorian ship, and just the thought that it might have been was scaring Jon shitless. So much so that the captain was frozen in shock.

Malcolm had no such reservations. He too had been Trip's friend long enough to read the signs and was determined to learn what really happened over there. "Foreplay?" Malcolm asked, desperate for Trip to laugh at such a silly notion, but Trip didn't laugh. He just simply ducked further away, biting his lip as if that would help hold back the tears. "Oh, god..." Malcolm whispered, knowing the truth now and being sickened by it. "Tolleran raped you, didn't he?"

The bridge collectively gasped in horror as Trip quietly nodded his confirmation. Archer's mind nearly snapped with the shock. It was true. The man that he loved above all others had been brutally taken by another against his will. Despite the nausea that was beginning to fill him, Jon still couldn't move, leaving it to Malcolm to voice the anger that they were all beginning to feel. "Why didn't you call me when the attack began? I would have helped you fight him off."

"I know you would have." Trip flashed his friend a look of gratitude before ducking away again. "But I didn't call you because there wasn't any fight."

"No fight!" How could that be? Malcolm saw the evidence right before his very eyes. "But those bruises..."

"Were an accident." Trip brushed his fingertips across the swell on his cheek, wincing a little at the pain. "Valdorian skin is tougher than ours. Tolleran didn't know he was hurting me."

"Bloody didn't know or bloody well didn't care. Malcolm's anger flared anew as the true ramifications sunk in. Trip didn't struggle. He just lay there and let that alien rape him, and that concept was just plain mind boggling. "Why the hell didn't you fight back?"

Now it was Trip's turn to erupt. "How the hell could I. Nobody says no in the Valdorian culture. The concept of rape is totally unknown to them. If any Valdorian's are propositioned they give in freely, it would be going against their culture to say no. I had no choice."

Reed still didn't understand. "But you're human. Valdorian rules don't apply to you."

"Sure they did!" Frustrated, Tucker struggled to find a way to explain. "The second Cap'n Archer gave me to Tolleran I became a Valdorian. I had to go by their rules because ours didn't count anymore. I had to do what they say!" Trip still dropped his eyes in his all to human shame. "Even if I had to sleep with somebody I didn't want to."

Archer felt a horror of the like he had never experienced before. He was responsible for this. He gave Trip to Tolleran. It didn't matter that he never intended for things to turn out this way, it still happened. Trip was raped and it was his fault.

It took a huge effort, but Archer was finally able to wrench his thoughts from his guilt to really see the current situation on his bridge. Malcolm was still inclined to argue but Jon immediately saw that Trip was in no shape to take any more. "Enough, Malcolm." Jon's voice was quiet, but there was no mistake that an order was given. Reed subsided instantly and Archer turned back toward Trip. He had one more order to give. "Report to sickbay immediately, Commander."

He could barely hear Tucker's whispered acknowledgement and watched with a broken heart as his shattered lover shuffled away.

* * *

The shower was no help at all. All Trip had wanted when he first set foot on Enterprise's deck plating was to lose himself under that cascading water and drain his cares away, but after half an hour the wash rag was filthy and the temperature of the water scalding, but Tucker still felt far from clean. Sighing, Trip finally gave up and dressed himself in the warm, fuzzy robe that Jon had given him for Christmas, then sat in his desk chair, positioning himself so he could see the stars outside of his window.

Phlox had released him from sickbay a few hours ago, stating that his few physical pains should heal nicely, but Trip knew that it was the emotional aftermath that was going to trouble him the most and those hurts were out of Phlox's jurisdiction. Only one person, Jonathan Archer, had the power to heal Tucker's most grievous of wounds and Trip was ashamed because, deep down, Trip was afraid that Jon no longer cared enough about him to try. Trip knew that if they had any chance to get back together Jon would have to come to him tonight, if he didn't...well then...they were finished.

So Tucker sat there, and waited, just staring at the stars, for so long that he lost track of the time. Finally, after giving up all hope, not only of seeing Jon that night, but of having any relationship at all, Trip dragged himself to his feet, intending on going to bed. That's when the doorbell rang.

Trip knew it was Jon, but even though there was no doubt about it, Trip was still surprised when he opened the door. Not at seeing Jon there, he had been expected after all, but by the fact that Enterprise's mighty captain was crying. Trip had known Jon for almost a decade and been his lover for half of that, and in all that time Trip didn't think that he had ever seen Jon cry. Not once, and the sight of it dissolved any remaining resentment that Tucker was feeling because Trip knew that Jon was crying for him.

Without a moments hesitation Trip pulled Jon into the room, away from prying eyes and slipped in-between Jon's arms. Everything was just as it had been, but only for a moment. Trip had momentarily forgotten about Tolleran's assault, but his body hadn't and it automatically tensed inside of Jon's grasp. The captain felt this and immediately tried to pull away, but by that time Trip's mind had caught up with his body and recognized the arms he was in and responded by clutching Jon closer to him.

Sensing that he was now welcome, Jon buried his face into Trip's shoulder and allowed himself to really let go, more than he had in years. Jon just sobbed and sobbed and sobbed. "I'm sorry, Trip. I'm so sorry."

"Shhh. It's all right, Jonny." Trip just held his lover and let him cry.

"No it isn't, Trip." Jon hiccuped between the tears. "If it wasn't for me, you never would have been raped. It's all my fault."

"Hey..." Trip maneuvered them over to his bunk, then Tucker snaked an arm around his lover's back. "You didn't know that the Valdorian's believed in the ultimate of free sex. If you had, I know you would have never sent me over there without conditions to keep me safe."

"I'm not talking about cultural issues, Trip!"

"What?" Trip had been thinking that Jon had been feeling as guilty about the unintended consequences about what happened to him, just as he did after the death of the Cogenitor, but now he realized that something else was bothering his lover. "Whatcha talking about, Jonny?"

"I've been a horrible example to you, Trip." Jon pulled himself out of Tucker's grip and up off the bunk, finally ending up against the hull, staring out of Tucker's window. "I realized that as soon as T'Pol told me about the Cogenitor. I thought I was handling the situation the right way when I laid into you in my ready room. I thought I explained things to you so you understood, but I didn't and you paid the price for my failure." Jon turned to face his lover. "I'm sorry, Trip."

"What?" Now Trip was totally confused. "Look, Jonny, I just had one thing to hold onto while I was having sex with that alien and that was because this time I wasn't interferin' with his culture, and now you're sayin' that I didn't do the right thing?"

"No, Trip, you didn't." Jon returned to Tucker's side and took the engineer's face into his hands. "I told you not to interfere with the way other species go about living their own lives, but just because you show them that respect doesn't automatically mean that they have the right to mess with our values either."

"God damn it, Jonny!" Now it was Trip's turn to pull away. "You're right, I don't understand nothin'. First you tell me to have hands off, then you say it's okay to fight when they wanna be hands on? We can't have it both ways."

"Oh yes we can, Trip." Jon was at Trip's side in an instant. "I've been doing a lot of thinking. Now I don't know what kinds of protocols that Starfleet is going to sanction in the future, or what kind of directives that they may write, but I've learned a lot, not only from your mistake with the Cogenitor, but from the mistakes I've made too, and I think I've come up with a policy that will not only keep us safe, but the alien's we interact with as well."

"What's that, Cap'n?" Trip used Archer's rank deliberately because he wanted Jon to know that Commander Tucker was giving his captain his full attention because Enterprise's engineer was going to learn from this. He was going to get things right from now on.

"First off we can't interfere with other species. Whether we think what they're doing is right or not, we've got to leave them alone when dealing with the affairs of their own people."

Trip nodded. "I'm with you on that one, Cap'n." That was how he messed up with the Cogenitor (and Trip was never going to do that one again) "But..."

"But..." Archer finished for him. "That doesn't give any alien's we come across the right to interfere with our culture as well." To make his point Jon moved in and gathered Trip in his arms. "You could have said no, Trip. Tolleran didn't have the right to have sex with you, any more than you had the right to teach the Cogenitor to read. I should have made that more clear to you, Trip, but I didn't and you were hurt in the most awful way." Archer's eyes began to well up again as the man began to morph from the captain back into Trip's lover and in the process he was about to lose control, again. "I keep hurting you, Trip. I'm sorry."

"Damn it, Jon." Trip said as he pulled Archer in tight. "I just get to the point of understandin' things again and you throw me for another loop. What the hell are you talkin' about now?"

"I almost got you killed in that desert, Trip. Because I felt sorry for some people that I felt were being oppressed, I freed those Suliban prisoners from their cells, and a few months later you nearly died in the desert because of it. Because of me!"

Trip finally understood, and for the very first time. "Everythin' has unintended consequences, Jon, and everythin' isn't gonna work out right, despite our best intentions. We both have to learn to live with our mistakes and believe me, I know how hard that is, Jonny. It's gonna take me a long time to come to grips with what happened with the Cogenitor, but maybe, just maybe what we both have learned will prevent this type of thing in the future, and if another life could be saved, just one, because of what we've learned, then maybe the Cogenitor didn't die in vain."

Archer smiled as his lover brushed the wetness from his cheeks. "How'd you become so wise?"

"I had a good teacher." Trip whispered before leaning in for a kiss.

Jon returned the kiss with equal fervor, then pulled back. Despite the emotional roller coaster they had both been on, they weren't through. "There's something else we have to discuss, Trip."

"Oh, what, Jonny?" Suddenly weary, Trip didn't want to deal with anymore that night, but he also knew that Jon was like a terrier after a bone sometimes, and it would be best to get everything out and over with as soon as possible, then they could both get some rest.

"I had a chat with Travis, yesterday." Jon smiled, tugging Trip toward the bunk. "He's a pretty wise man too."

"Travis?" What the hell did he have to do with anything? "How so?"

"Well, you know I was extra hard on you the other day because we're lovers and I didn't want anyone to think that I would go easy on you just because I love you."

"I know." Trip had always known and accepted that fact. If he wanted to be Jon's lover and Enterprise's chief engineer, things were going to have to be that way. It came with the job. "What are you gettin' at, Jonny."

"Travis told me that the crew got the message. That they know that 'Captain Archer' is capable of being a stern disciplinarian to 'Commander Tucker' if need be, so that particular monkey is off my back. Now 'Jonathan Archer' is free to love 'Charles Tucker the Third' completely and totally, without any reservations, and with the crew's entire approval, I may add."

"What are you sayin' here, Jonny?"

"I'm saying that I love you, Trip, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you, so..." Jon got on bended knee in front of his lover, then fished something out of his pocket. Tucker had barely enough time to register that it was a ring case when Jon flipped it open and Trip saw the simple, yet elegant gold band inside. Then Jon took Trip's right hand into his left and held the ring up for Trip to clearly see. "Will you marry me, Charles Tucker the Third?"

Trip gasped. Of all the scenario's he had pictured to end this day, this certainly wasn't one of them, but he sure as hell wasn't complaining. "You betcha, Jonny." Trip said as he threw himself into Jon's willing arms, kissing him fiercely.

Later the couple lay in bed together, only holding each other, that was all. Trip apologized profusely, but Jon understood that he wasn't ready for more yet. Despite the progress they had made here, trauma's such as rape and suicide weren't gotten over in just a day. Trip and Jon knew that they had much to deal with in the future, but they also knew that in the end everything was going to work out all right, because they were going to get through it together, and that was all that really mattered.


End file.
